Maintaining matrimonial 'harmony' on motorhome tours

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How to maintain ‘harmony’ when motorhoming?

“Take the turning up there”

“Why have you missed the turning and gone up this one?

“Because you pointed at it”

“I said take that one over there!”

“Yes, but you pointed to this one and so I assumed….”

“Don’t assume, just follow my instructions”

“Yes Mag, sorry”!

Harmony comes when a couple clearly communicate with each other. Clear instructions! Discussion of plans and journey routes, shared expectations. Everyone on the same page so to speak! After forty years together, cooped up in a box can occasionally test our matrimonial harmony!

“Go away!”

“Why?”

“I need my space”

“Ok Mag”

Giving each other personal space at times is a good move. Recognising when to do it is a skill I’m still learning. Maggie has the patience, tolerance and forbearance of a saint. I’m not easy to live with I know! She is amazing! Book time, shower time, one of us inside, the other outside; one of us ushered out to do some overnight stargazing whether he wants to or not. It all helps! A favourite one is a coffee stop where we each read the downloaded newspaper and don’t say a word to each other for thirty minutes!

This stops us from becoming ‘The Twits’! You remember, Dahl’s story about a spiteful, unkempt, idle couple who continuously play nasty, mean practical jokes on each other to amuse themselves and to give vent to their devious wickedness. There are occasions when I expect to get wiggly spaghetti, in the form of WORMs!

A few days ago, we did discuss, after a particularly strenuous driving day, having a grape pip spitting contest to vent frustrations.  Who could do the most damage in the shortest time within the habitation area. Childish obviously!

I read somewhere that a good idea is to have a designated ‘captain for a day’. It gets rotated each day apparently. This ‘Captain’ gets to make all the decisions, from where to park to what to eat. Daft idea in my humble opinion. I just accept that a) Maggie is always right b) I am always wrong  c) I secretly think I am always right when clearly I’m never right at all. It works well because Maggie just knows she is right on 99% of everything (and she usually is). This mutual understanding makes life so much easier; go on try it!

There are blue tasks and pink tasks in our motorhome. See our previous post on how to avoid divorce!

https://wherenexthun.blogspot.com/2020/11/agreeing-etiquette-to-avoid-divorce.html

I drive in the main, Maggie navigates, and she is exceptional at it.  Maggie cooks and does the budgeting, catering planning, shopping and laundry. I do the habitation and van cleaning, washing up, toilet cassette, engine maintenance etc. I plan routes for approval. I book sites, find Sostas and book museums (with approval).  I make coffee in the morning and I am the ‘bed fairy’. When Mag steps out of the bathroom, the bed has been sorted and coffee made. Simple. 

Major decisions are always discussed and approval from the other person sought. It works! We plan together, sort of. I do the initial big overview planning and suggestions. Maggie reviews it all and then adds in her half penny worth. We agree routes, visits and stops – it all gets mapped on Google maps for future reference including guidebook pages etc.

And flexibility. 

We adapt easily so most journeys are uneventful, non-stressful.   Both positive and optimistic in outlook we rub along well. When things go wrong, Mag is calm, I think Armageddon has arrived. Mag shrugs her shoulders and ambles off. As I said, patience of a saint!

We have no rules. If we aren’t happy about something, we just say so. Actually, that isn’t true. There is the bathroom rule! A no talking rule when the bathroom is occupied rule. Somethings are best left unsaid and unheard and uncommented on!

We each have a locker for our clothes and that’s it; every other space is a shared space. Maggie is very tolerant in this regard since I bring two IKEA bags worth of astronomy gear which certainly takes up room on the front seats when we are stopped for the night! She brings a bag of knitting! It somehow doesn’t seem fair or even in any way whatsoever!

The top draw next to the sink is the ‘when it all gets too much’ emergency snack store. Hangry? Frustrated? Bad day, hour, minute? Biscuits, chocolate. Works every time! On a bad day we try to compliment each other about something whether it be navigating difficult roads, driving well or just ‘great meal’.  Twee, but it works.

And where do the very rare tensions arise?

“Mag, you’ve left sticky fingerprints all over the kitchen towel roll dispenser. Again!”

“MAG! Are you entirely incapable of slicing a crusty bread loaf without putting half of it as fragments on the carpet?”

“Why are there carrot peelings stuck to my socks Mag?”

“Steve?”

“Yes Maggie”

“GET A LIFE MAN!”

“Yes Maggie – sorry!”

Or, when we are doing tight manoeuvres. Maggie gives me instructions that I can’t hear over the noise of the motorhome because she uses her ‘quiet indoors voice’! She stands in places where she can’t be seen. She has a hand signal system unique to her! A sort of floppy hand movement which could indicate wanting me to turn the wheel in either direction. Very confusing! And she thinks a 4-tonne motorhome can turn on a sixpence! I haven’t the heart to say anything, after all I absolutely adore her. But, there are occasionally times when …… never mind!

When I expect her to give me precise directions down to the last metre before a turn in a busy urban area! I’m stressed, traffic is going in all directions and I normally get horrible and snappy. Totally unfair. Navigating using map, atlas and google maps is a head down job and let’s face it not easy in a motorhome bouncing about and changing direction etc. Throw in the quirks that come with Google maps, and there are many, then I’m being unfair at that point and deep down I know it. And I need to work on that rapidly! Because Mag, is without any doubt, the best navigator I know. I say this as a geographer, expeditioner, traveller, mountaineer and sailor of many, many, years experience! She is, undoubtedly, the best navigator I’ve met or worked with.

And that’s it! Our simple tips. If you have more to add, drop us a comment! We’d love to hear and share them.