Our grand tour of southern Spain February 1st Day Nineteen

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Wednesday 1st February Day nineteen

Is Fort Bravo in Tabernas, Spain, worth visiting?

The last time I saw this look of pain on my wife’s face was during her caesarean and the birth of our first daughter. Thirty-one years later and Maggie has died and gone to hell. Her version of hell? Trapped in a ‘western saloon bar’ watching four cowboys argue over a card game spurred on by three bar maids in ‘can-can’ outfits, the entire conversation being done in Spanish.

There are insufficient words to describe the look on my wife's face .... what's worse than 'desperate resignation'?  

Worse still - her pain is being intensified by the growing realisation that we are stuck here tonight as well AND she's had to pay 55 euros for this thespian delight.

Welcome to the world of ‘Fort Bravo’, a dusty western filmset high in the mountain deserts just outside Tabernas.

Internally I haven't laughed this much in years ....... It’s not at the acting I assure you, more that look on my wife's face. This was my idea and it will cost me dearly. Her revenge will be well planned, unexpected, painful and long lasting 🙄😄

In the last few minutes, I've literally just watched a cowboy kill another cowboy and a bar maid with just one shot in the saloon. Now I think we can all agree that with an ancient colt 45 revolver, this is, is it not, very impressive gun-craft!

The Germans and Dutch visitors are loving it - which makes this even funnier...... and the sideways glances from wife suggest I'm in a whole heap of trouble, which I find even funnier still 😄

Oh, the wrath of a woman who has to endure a creaking western film set and saloon show. This day is just getting better and better, from my perspective of course!

And I made her get up really early so we could arrive at opening time, two hours before the show started 😄

This high, up the stargazing should be good, which is great, because she isn't going to let me sleep in the van tonight that's for sure. 😁

The show has been going for thirty minutes now and I've genuinely no idea what's happening. There are five cowboys dead on the floor but they keep resurrecting for some unfathomable reason. I'm trying to work out whether there is a sci-fi element I'm missing. Whilst pondering this possible twist, the barmaid has just shot the last man standing. Spaghetti western 'magnificent seven' type music is playing ........ seriously this is such awesome fun!  Meanwhile Maggie is struggling to articulate words but nothing is coming out of her mouth. We've already walked the set although there is still the fort and wigwams still to do and we have another twenty hours to go.

Personally, I can't wait for the 1440 show outside the saloon. And, if I’m not careful, I am seriously going to die from internal laughter! Or have an embarrassing accident on the saloon floor!

We’ve retreated after the saloon show and have come to sit outside the rear of the motorhome. Our planned for ‘lunchtime views’ have been stolen by a monster overlander owned by a young Dutch couple. I mean seriously, who parks something that big, that close to another motorhome. Young people, eh?

The 1430 show is a stunner. Five cowboys riding down the main street to the sound of the ‘Magnificent Seven’ music ......visually, just doesn't get any better. Oh yes it does!

A tough sheriff and deputy face down three hoodlums who try to rob the town bank. Lots of guns and fist fights and a ‘hanging’ delayed by the baddies rescuing their buddy. A big shoot up ‘ride through’ the main Street with more dust than the Sahara – such hoodlums! I still don't get why the hombres keep coming back to life after the shoot outs with Sheriff Grumpy. What is this resurrection thingy? Employment shortages affecting the cowboy sector?

Oh wow,  a baddy has just been shot off the balcony by the deputy and he landed in the horse trough AND the Sheriff has returned down the main Street dragging an escaped baddie along the floor tied to a rope! Face down in the dirt, being dragged along behind a horse who has just done an almighty woopsie (was he trained to do that on time) all to the music of ….wait for it ….. ‘The High Chaparral!’

Honestly it does not get any better than this ..... my six year old fantasies come true! Awesome stuff. This Sheriff, he's one toughie with a mean one-two upper cut. Baddies watch out or he will get you!  Genuinely he is badder, meaner and tougher than ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’ …. And we all know about him don’t we – Chuck Norris – he, who uses pepper spray to season his steak!

Aside of the excitement, well for me, but then I’m not normal, other things we noted - the horses are well trained, well cared for, much loved and occasionally have minds of their own. The ‘high-speed jump on the horse getaway’ didn't quite come off - the horse moved the other way .... very funny as the actor was left hanging in thin air.  Another horse refused to leave the sanctuary of the tie up pole outside ‘Tom Doyles liquor and tobacco store’, something Maggie could appreciate, given her pain; she wanted to just enter that place and never leave it again! 

With a loud sound track from all your favourite spaghetti westerns ..... it's a cowboy fans dream and the best twenty euros I've spent in a long time. No seriously I loved it, but then it isn't everyone's cup of tea, is it Maggie?

And to be fair, there is a lot of hanging around. You can walk the set in forty minutes easily. There is a little museum with around 100 saddles of all types, for all film genres, a saloon selling beers and pizzas and a small gift shop. You get a free horse cart ride around the town as well. I think young kids would enjoy it, even if they don’t speak Spanish!  Is it worth staying the whole day? Probably not. Certainly at this time of year there just isn’t enough to do and fill the time. But is it worth visiting - definitely - absolutely. Genuinely not to be missed because it is such FUN! 

As for the motorhome campsite .... a dusty gravel car park around the back of the maintenance buildings with water and electric at each pitch ... around six pitches and then some wooden chalet bungalows. If you need an EHU, then a forty-euro deposit in cash is needed for the adapter as their supply is a whopping 32v. 

Facilities are good, clean toilets and showers. The waste water grey point is a little tricky to get over. The black waste point is a lift up manhole cover in the corner. I feel 15 euros is pricey for this site – we have had far better value than this elsewhere in Spain. On the other hand, this is a high overheads place and I am impressed with how well treated and cared for the animals are – they all look happy and relaxed, so if the money is going to help support them and some locals in terms of employment opportunities, then fair enough!

We later retreat to the saloon for a beer and watch the Sheriff putting a new horse through its paces when most visitors have gone. Round and around the central town square, the Sheriff patiently coaxes and guides a strong-willed black horse with a stunning, prancing physique. As he coaxes his equine companion around, getting it used to people, noises, dust and environment, I realise that perhaps the Sheriff isn’t such a tough guy after all. And, he certainly has his hands full with his new mount who struts, snorts, rears and just about tries every which way there is to irritate his rider. What a beautiful, strong-willed creature with a mind of its own – the horse that is, not the sheriff!  

As I sit now in the saloon bar looking through the swing doors, sunbeams shine down through the upstairs windows and dust gleams in the sun’s rays, it occurs to me that it is rather disconcerting watching a grumpy sheriff riding his horse with a smartphone glued to his hand. Can't see Yul Brynner approving of such behaviour .....  and as for what ‘The Duke’ would say!!

Surreal, truly, truly, surreal! Best day ever! and if you are a cowboy fan.......absolutely brill. 

Useful information:

Route: A7 – A92 – N340a

Distance: 33 miles

Costs: 31 euros entry to Fort Bravo; 15 euros for campsite at Fort Bravo

Campsite: https://www.searchforsites.co.uk/marker.php?id=38007